“People who are preoccupied with the ordinary fatigues and aches and pains of living, [Illich] charged, rarely want to acknowledge that they are unhappy with their jobs or their relationships, or despondent because they are trapped in stressful, unfulfilling life pursuits, or experiencing existential despair. They want to hear that they are physically ill. They want to hear that their sadness and fatigue, their aches and their pains are ailments for which medicine must assume responsibility”

-Lawrence Schneiderman

This is one of the biggest struggles I have in life. Being an individual, a rebel, and outspoken my whole life, it is extremely hard for me to live a life not based on reason such as through the social order of law enforcement officers and the military.

I was never bothered so much until today, when the recruiting sergeant of the police department called me and assailed me over being unprepared etc… while I was inquiring about basic information. Turns out all human resource areas in police departments treat people that way. Demanding respect even though I did not even know his identity initially. I simply spoke in my usually way of saying “ya” rather than “yes.” Never did I realize ya was inappropriate… I usually would say yes in a professional environment, but this scenario was unexpected. I even passively rose up and told him I did not expect him to speak to me in that tone.

Overall, it was a bad first impression. Fortunately, I do no plan on working for the agency in the future, but wanted to understand the process of it.

The weakness within me is although I am strong, getting yelled at by say a drill sergeant would probably tear me up even if I do not choose to tear up. I know I would have the strength to fight back, yet I do not choose to. 

I wish I could simply take in unnecessary aggression like any other person. I have to find a way.